Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Partially I am mad that the person who called would not keep the information to themselves until January - knowing there is nothing to be done.
I REALLY need to learn the skill of letting go.....
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
So into the shower we both went (I was covered from neck to ankle). My awesome spouse got up and cleaned up the floor while we were showering and we all went back to bed. He didn't puke again last night but I just called home and he is feeling miserable and back down for a nap. I HOPE it is because he is teething - I felt a molar last night which just came through - and not because we are headed for round two of illness in our house.
Tomorrow is my last day of work before the holidays and I am THRILLED to be getting some time off. I just don't want to spend it doing laundry and cleaning up after sick babies.
I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing about becoming a mother that makes it easier to clean up vomit. I don't care WHO it belongs to - I don't want to have anything to do with it!!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I absolutely believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and obviously, the person who sent this email feels quite strongly that "Christmas" is being "lost" to commercialism, political correctness, et cetera, et cetera.
It got me thinking. There are many ways in which I could respond (and I had to fight my desire to respond because I REALLY REALLY wanted to!) The more I thought about it, the more I realized that people will find whatever it is they are looking for. If I spend my time looking for the ways in which people have "altered" the true meaning of Christmas then I will find evidence to support my belief.
Instead, what I see, is not the deterioration of Christmas, but the spirit of love and of giving and of hope ALL around me. My nephew gathered all the coins he saved in his piggy bank to make a donation to animals in need. My mom coordinates the efforts of her siblings to put together Christmas hampers for needy people in her community. All around there are groups raising money to donate to some cause or another. Buying goats for communities in Africa. Wrapping presents for children in foster care. In my own small community businesses have been raising funds for a family with medical needs and all KINDS of organizations and individuals have been working towards raising money for a playground at the elementary school. My little boy goes to a head start program and his class participated in the food bingo, donating food to the local food bank. Now I will admit, the concept of a bingo card is not one he understands, but his mom had a BALL going through every cupboard in the house to gather as many items from the list as we could find to send with him (in a large box) to school the very next day. Does he completely "get it?" Probably not. He had as much fun going through the cupboard of cans and making additions to the box of donations sitting on the kitchen table.
It has been a thrill to take him into stores and see his enthusiasm for the lights, the music and the joy of choosing something to give to someone else - even if it is his own little brother or his dog, and even if it is something they probably won't even enjoy (I don't think the dog likes extension cords much). It is still HIM choosing something FOR someone else. I am absolutely LOVING how excited he is. I wish everyone could hear him singing the song he is learning for the Christmas Concert at his school tomorrow. He can't even say the words but he knows the tune and when there's a word he knows how to say he says it with all the enthusiasm his little body can muster.
There are opportunities for lessons about giving and sharing EVERYWHERE - if I look for them.
So I could spend my time writing about how UNChristmassy this season it, but instead I will focus on something different. I believe STRONGLY that what you look for you will find. So I wish for everyone that they will find a most excellent season filled with love and family and all the joy this time of year can bring.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
We are very different as individuals and still we come together and complement one another well. Tonight is one example of that. Let me explain.....
I came home tonight and found Shel cleaning up vomit. Max had somehow consumed milk (when and where he got into it is still under investigation). He is allergic to milk and it made him more than a little ill. So I arrive with puking under way.
While Shel was cleaning up body fluid I picked up our very upset boy and held him on my lap. As I was holding him I felt his stomach gurgle and knew we were about to experience another bout of barking at the ants. I didn't have time to get to the bathroom so I held him, leaned forward and let him spew onto the floor. We avoided the furniture, the carpets, the clothing and managed to aim as well as could be expected. I was totally impressed with the finesse with which we managed the situation.
My spouse followed behind us to clean up the mess we had made. As she was cleaning up she said" Wow, Stomach acid really cleans the floor better than I have been able to scrub it!"
Her glass is always half full, and mine half empty. We make a great pair. I will hold puking kids as long as I never have to clean up after them, and she would prefer not to hold them and "aim!" And through al the realy gross moments that neither one of us would choose to endure, we share the moments and she brings a smile to my face. (Stomach acid really did a nice job of cleaning the floor!)
I was a "little" freaked out that there is no-one at all at the entrance checking people as they enter. No wand, no metal detector, nothing. At one point a gentleman began to yell at the judge and the sheriffs jumped to their feet and ran towards him. The judge told him to leave and he did - but not before I had scoped out which exit I would take if things got nasty (and which people I could beat to the door!)
About 50 people were in the room at the beginning of the day. It started out with closed Circuit television showing people in the remand center as they came up on the docket. Then we went through the docket for the day. I was trying to pay attention and see if there was any rhyme or reason - alphabetical, age, reverse alphabetical - but I couldn't see anything that explained how cases were being called. It didn't even appear to be going by the date of the incident. I was there for an incident that happened on October 7th, but there were incidences that happened more recently than mine which were called before mine.
I had a LOT of time to sit and try to figure out the system of names being called because I was the ABSOLUTE LAST case to be called for the day.
Those court benches are insanely uncomfortable. In the provincial building where the courtroom is located there are no vending machines.
Granted - there were some interesting things, but nothing so interesting that I was thrilled to be there or that made the time pass more quickly.
So I went. I waited all day. I testified. I was cross examined (which was the most interesting part of my day).
Then yesterday I received a message on my phone from the RCMP to let me know what had happened in court. Apparently there was some breakdown in communication because as the officer was reading to the message machine what had happened in court he says "I see here that you were subpoenaed. I don't know why that happened, it was not necessary, and I hope you didn't miss work to sit in court for that."
If I had the energy to muster frustration I would have. While it was not the most painful day I have ever spend, it was by FAR anything I would have selected to participate in. I didn't know I had a choice once I was subpoenaed to not show up?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Here is my contribution for this month:
#1. When we woke up this morning the temperature was a BALMY -38 degrees C. That translates into a day spent indoors and finding ways of amusing ourselves. These days can be LONG ones.
#2. What better to do than combine two of our favorite things - moms and extension cords! Mom is such a good sport!
#3. Time to make supper. We busted out the recipe book and started to make Chili Con Carne. Unfortunately half way through we realized we didn't have all the ingredients. Oh well. What little boys don't know won't hurt them, so we served it "as is" and pretended all was well!
#4. From extension cords to mixing bowls. This is a day full of excitement! Little boys "helped" cooking supper.
#5. Finger lickin good!
#6. And some even managed to get inside of him!
#12. Everyone is in bed. The puppy won't go to the bathroom without an escort - she is worried she will freeze to the ground and we wont notice she is gone. Time for a last check to make sure the vehicle is plugged and and it's off to bed!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Cheers to all us thieves!
Sunday Stealing: The Strange Question Meme, Part 2
26. What color is your watch? Silver, but I currently don't wear it.
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? Visiting there with my Spouse
28. Would you strip for money? LOL. That's funny. One day I'll blog on the topic.
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru
30. What is your favorite number? 14
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? hmnnnn. I texted someone more recently than I spoke to someone. I think my last conversation was with a foster care worker.
32. Any plans today? Nope.
33. In how many states have you lived? 3 states and 3 provinces
34. Biggest annoyance right now?
35. Last song listened to? Alice the Camel has 5 humps.
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? if I am reading it.
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? nope
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? birkenstocks
39. Are you jealous of anyone? nope
40. Is anyone jealous of you? nope
41. Do you love anyone? yes
42. Do any of your friends have children? yes
43. What do you usually do during the day? work
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? I'm not feeling "hate" right now.
45. Do you use the word hello daily? yes
46. What color is your car? purple
47. What size wedding ring do you wear? I have no idea
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? Now that I thought about the question I am !
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? nope
50. How did you get your worst scar? uh.... I don't know. I have a scar from burning my arm at work and some scars on my knees. I have a surgery scar on my foot and a scar on my foot from dropping an exacto knife when I wasn't wearing shoes...
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
These type of people?
Get into this?
Go out into the streets like this?
I am confused, because I am "one of these people" and when I go out into the streets I don't expect to be killed and decapitated.
On that note - I would like to give a HUGE thank-you to the Mormon church, who in an official statement said that they believe homosexuals should have the right "to have a roof over their heads and the right to work without being discriminated against." Wow. Housing and employment and not being killed. Things I think I shouldn't have to ask for from ANYONE or ANY organization. But that's just me.
Monday, November 16, 2009
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Part One - Describe:
Your hair? Short
Your mother? Tall. My mom is an amazing woman. She is the hardest worker I have ever known.
Your father? My dad is the strong silent type. He has a wicked sense of humor. He loves technology.
Your favorite food? Mexican.
Your dream last night? I had a totally weird dream last night. I was living at home, my parents owned two properties and were selling one. I was upset they were selling one and they told me if I was so upset I should buy it and move out. I was shocked they would ask me to move out!
Your favorite drink? I love Dr. Pepper, the American kind.
Your dream/goal? My current goal is to make some home improvements and get the boys to sleep the night through.
The room are you in? I'm at home in my living room.
Your hobby? I love reading, but is that a hobby? I love crafting and cross stitch. I am itching to start a new cross stitch but can't decide on what project to work on.
Your fear? Losing someone close to me.
Your TV? We currently have one working television in the house. It is a 13 inch tv/dvd combo and it is on top of the armoire where no-one can reach it.
Your Pets? The pet population in our house has been dramatically reduced in the last month and a half. We now have two cats and one dog.
Friends? I have some!
Your life? It has certainly taken me to places I never thought possible, places I never even knew existed!
Your mood? I'm working on improving my mood. My spouse watched something that said coke has a negative effect on mood so I am trying to reduce my coke intake and fight the headaches I get EVERYtime I try. (I have given up coke more times than I can count and I always end up drinking it again!)
If you're missing someone? I miss my parents.
Part Two - The Where's?
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Wow, In six years I will have two boys in school, so wherever we are it will be close to a great school, and hopefully closer someone in my family.
Where were you last night? At home, watching television and playing on the internet.
Where did you grow up? I grew up in a small town, in another country, close to my aunts and uncles and both sets of grandparents. It was a wonderful childhood.
One place that I go to over and over? The Library.
Your favorite place to eat out? When I was living in Ogden I loved going to the Union Grill or to Burrito Grande. Now that I am in a small town, I don't have a favorite place to eat out.
Wish list items? Because we are currently working on the house I wish I had a bigger budget to afford all the improvements we want to make! A new roof, gutters, a new bathroom, a new kitchen.....
Last time you laughed? I laughed a minute ago at my 16 month old who walks like he is 90.
Last time you cried? Putting Tora to sleep last month.
Part Three - The What's?
Something that you aren't? Ridiculously good looking.... oh wait.......
Last thing you did? Tried for too long to copy and paste this fetching meme.
What are you wearing? My pajamas and a long sleeve t-shirt that is very comfy.
Something you're not wearing? Shoes
Your favorite store? Hm. I don't think I have a favorite store. I like overstock.com and lee valley
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Shel and I are going to look and see if there are any opportunities to take sign language classes somewhere. That's one of the drawbacks of living so far away from a major center - we don't have lots of opportunities for things like that. at this point we are willing to travel to learn what we can. He picks it up very quickly, it is harder for us and we are just hunting and pecking for individual signs on the internet as we think we need them. I really think he would be using a lot more signs if we were. The challenge is to get him to use the correct sign all the time because he really modifies them. Shel and I understand what he means, but anyone else using REAL sign language would have no clue!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Here is the link to Chad's site. Check it out! It's worth your time.
I am posting these backwards because I am having issues with my internet connection and I want to get this posted in the next 20 minutes... my apologies.
#1. My baby is up WAYYYY too late but he thinks if he is cute he will get away with something. He is right. He should not be playing with his phone but SLEEPING.
#2. I love, love, love the PVR. It means when I get home late I can still watch my favorite shows and PAUSE the action when something "interesting" is on the screen!
#5. It's 10:30. I am still resenting daylight savings. That means that my body thinks it is 11:30 pm.
#10. 9am at work. Not the best picture, I was trying to show that the red light is on. That means there is a message for me (or messages) at work. I hate seeing this little red light primarily because there are a few people who call me REPEATEDLY and so instead of getting one message I get seven from the same person.
#11. Who gets a new finger condom? I DO! I DO! It even has little breathy holes so my finger doesn't sweat while I do paperwork :)
#12. So I got a NEW phone at work. I don't know why I am excited about a new phone - now there are two phones on my desk one right next to the other which I think is very funny. I like new things and it is prettier than my "old" phone. Unfortunately people can still leave multiple messages for me :(
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I am looking forward to talking to her more about it to see what her perspective is. It's difficult to find someone whose opinion differs and who you can talk to about it openly. People are so very invested in their opinions that conversations can get quite heated quite quickly. Don't get me wrong, we have some pretty heated discussions ourselves, but I always enjoy hearing her perspective. When we got together (over 13 years ago now) we came up with a solution to relationship conflicts that has worked for us to this day. We just agree that I know everything and she is always right.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Today I started out the day listening (ad nauseum) to an issue being beleaguered over semantics. It took FOR EV ER. I'm pretty sure my stomach started to hurt at some point as I listened to the comments going back and forth without resolution.
Yes, I like words, but seriously folks, sometimes it is just TOOO MUCH to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth again over removing or adding words to sentences. We take ourselves MUCH too seriously. It reminded me of a women's studies class for crying out loud.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I have been thinking of this again recently as news reports about the shooting at Fort Hood have been coming out on various websites and news stations. The most recent report that I read, on the BBC, reported from a statement from the FBI that Major Hasan "was not involved in terrorist activities or terrorist planning."
It simply does not make any sense to me how the meaning of the word "terrorism" and "terrorist" have changed so much over the past few years. As far as I am concerned, the acts of Major Hasan were acts of terror. He created terror, a violent act intended to cause fear. Whether it was his intent when he set out to shoot people that he would cause terror or not, (how could it not have been, but I have no way of knowing what he was thinking) his act was an act of terrorism, regardless of whether the FBI believe it to be or not.
This week is remembrance day. A day set aside to reflect on those people who have given their lives for our freedom, both here and abroad. I don't pretend for one minute to have insight into the pain that of those who have lost loved ones or who have suffered themselves as they have been exposed to conflicts while representing their countries and defending freedom.
I am grateful beyond words. My gratitude will not change, no matter what words come to mean in the passage of time. I simply hope that the way we use and change the meaning of our words will not bring more pain to those who live through the terror. I hope their pain is not marginalized by our manipulation of language, and because the "FBI" said so.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
If I wanted to be a man... I suppose I would have started the process LONG ago to change my gender and I would be trying to "pass" as a man. I'm not. I haven't. I won't.
I don't want to be a man. I don't want a penis. I have NEVER wanted a penis...but I do think it is cool to be able to write your name in the snow with urine.
We took the boys to kindermusic. Shel has been taking both boys every week and it is a bit too difficult to handle both of the boys and do all of the kindermusic-ey "THINGs" that have to be done. She asked me if it were possible for me to join her. Last week I was able to leave work a little early and help her out. As I walked in the door the lady who runs the session said.. "Oh look! DAD has joined us!"
I have been told a lot of things. I've been told I'm too young to be so fat. I've been told I have too many double chins and my face wont fit in the passport picture frame. These things are annoying, but nothing tops the frustration of being called a dude. Let me just say - I have nothing against men, simply that I am not one!
Max is balancing books and Cj is clapping and saying "yay" every time Max makes a successful pile.
Max's words are coming with a fury now it seems. The speech therapist said to only expect two words by the end of the school year and the surgery on his ears apparently didn't work so we didn't even expect to get two words from him.
His first word was "onion" and he jumped right from onion to "Hi MOM." He was saying "ma" but the speech therapist said it was too much of a sound and not enough of a word to count for anything.
Since he started school a month ago he has said "ball", tried to say "bat", said "go" and today he said "ice". we are excited about every new word he says, but he seems to be getting MORE and not LESS frustrated with his communication. Oi vey.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
1. What is the color of your toothbrush? blue and pink actually. I can't remember the last time I had a pink toothbrush before this one. I've had it less than a month.
2. Name one person who made you smile today. The actors on SNL doing a skit.
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? In bed asleep
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Watching a movie (ladyhawke) and playing on facebook.
5. What is your favorite candy bar? I don't have a favorite, what I choose depends on my mood. Probably Cadbury's fruit and nut more than anything else.
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Only for a job interview
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? Only for a job interview.
8. What is your favorite ice cream? vanilla
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? coke
10. Do you like your wallet? I don't have a wallet really. I like my purse, but it is actually a pencil case, an elephant skin pencil case.
11. What was the last thing you ate? popcorn
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? nope
13. The last sporting event you watched? UFC
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? regular
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Nikki, and I'm pretty sure she is ignoring me.
16. Ever go camping? yup
17. Do you take vitamins daily? no, but I need to
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? nope, but I did for more than 1/2 my life.
19. Do you have a tan? kinda.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? yes
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? no
22. What did your last text message say? something about someone who was somewhere they shouldn't be.
23. What are you doing tomorrow? sleeping in, reading and UNFORTUNATELY for me - going to work
24.Favorite color? green
25. Look to your left, what do you see? the wall
all day long - from the time I woke up until long after dark I have been listening to the machinery of the farmer going over the land all around us. It has made me realize a few things... Number 1. It is very easy to become accustomed to the absolute silence out here, and to appreciate it. The noise of them working has been annoying all day and every time we let Zuva outside she barks like mad which is more annoying. She has a lot to get used to with the changing landscape and being alone.
Number 2. Whomever it is that is working the machinery in the field is a ridiculous worker. I can't imagine that the thing has a very good heater and it has not stopped going ALL day and it is cold out. The machine has literally not been turned off for a lot of hours. They obviously want to turn what was bush into viable farmland as quickly as possible and they are sparing no expense to get it ready as soon as possible and start making money off it.
Number 3. They must have a whack of money - for the time and the equipment that has been coming and going, even if they don't own this machinery they are paying a pretty penny to rent it and get the work done.
Number 4. As annoying as it is to hear them working all day, the sooner they are done the sooner we will not have to listen to it anymore and it will just be the "normal" farmer work being done in the fields.
Number 5. We REALLY need to be ready first thing in the spring to get our windbreak up as soon as possible and put some trees on our property. We will never be able to replace what was there, but we will be able to make a difference --- THAT IS OUR GOAL.
Friday, November 6, 2009
1. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet? yes
2. How do you flush the toilet in public? the same way I flush a toilet in private - with the toilet handle
3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? no
4. Do you have a crush on someone? no
5. Name one thing you worry about running out of. time
6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? when I was skinny and had long hair people thought I resembled steffi graf. Now I resemble no-one.
7. What is your favourite pizza topping? ham
8. Do you crack your knuckles? no
9. What song do you hate the most? La bamba
10. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? no
11. What are your super powers? none
12. Peppermint or spearmint? depends
13. Where are your car keys? hanging on the key rack
14. Last song you listened to? something by five for fighting.
15. What's your most annoying habit? I don't know, it doesn't annoy me I guess.
16. Where did you last go on vacation? we haven't gone on vacation in so long I cant remember... San Francisco.
17. What is your best physical feature? my hands
18. What CD is closest to you right now? oh shoot. Probably one of maxies kindermusic cds somewhere.
19. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? sour cream, milk, Worcestershire sauce.
20. What superstition do you believe/practice? I'm not hugely superstitious I don't think....
21. What colour are your bed sheets? we have all different colors... blue is probably in most of them.
22. Would you rather be a fish or a bird? bird
23. Last thing you broke? a fingernail?
24. What are you having to eat tonight? snacks.
25. What colour shirt are you wearing? purple
26. If you could be doing anything else today, what would you rather be doing? sleeping right now.
27. Do security cameras make you nervous? not at all
28. If you wrote a book about your life, what would the title be?
29. Last time you went to a cemetery? when I was in California and went to my great grandmothers grave.
30. Last concert you went to? hopefully the NEXT concert I got to will be U2
31. Favourite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert? Indigo girls
32. Next concert you're planning to attend? U2
33. Do you talk to yourself? all the time and out loud
34. Have you ever adopted or purchased a pet? most of the pets I have ever owned have been adopted
35. Have you ever been present when an animal is being born? I was pretty close to being present when shorties kittens were born, Shel was there.
In the meantime, I am glad it is Friday, I am glad I am done with work for the day, and I am looking forward to getting into bed with some books we got from the library last week. I have read four books this week - I feel almost human! (o.k. so they were the twilight series books so not anything deep or time consuming, bit it still felt good to read something from cover to cover!)
Unfortunately I have to be back to work on Sunday so I don't really get a whole weekend off. I am SPENT. There are not enough hours in the day for me to catch up on my sleep.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
When I walked out of the building tonight I said to two students "Have a good weekend" to which they responded "Oh - do you get the day off tomorrow?" I could have cried on the spot.
I am not a person who typically has any aversion to change at all, but this change has messed with my whole groove and I am struggling to get back into it.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I should not be surprised, our boys get sick with EVERY bug that passes. Max has had an upset stomach today which is apparently one of the symptoms. He also has a fever and body aches. Shel asked him if there was any part of his body which "DIDN'T" hurt and he said no.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Today for instance, two female students came to the front counter. They are living in an apartment together and one bedroom unit is unoccupied. They were concerned that "someone" today had entered the third bedroom and turned on a light and left it on. We have had maintenance in the unit working on the heating system and thought it was possible (though unlikely?) that maintenance had let themselves into the bedroom. Still, stranger things have happened and so the office administrator went to the apartment to unlock the door and turn off the light. It turns out there was no light on in the bedroom, it was....THE SUN! Yup. The sun was shining through the window and a stream of sunlight was shining under the door and it freaked them out. I suppose it's true, we don't see much of the sun WAYYYY up here in the north. Unfortunately we were unable to turn it off for them. I'll bet that shows up on our exit survey.
"Office administrator unable to turn off the sun when it shone under the door." We have had complaints about the darkness you know.
Then there's the guy who comes in to make a payment plan and so I ask him what funding he is getting and why he needs to be on a payment plan. He asks ME what funding he is getting. That meeting got confusing very quickly. I am starting to wonder if I live in an alternate reality.
Unfortunately for me it was just "one of those days". I had to do a requisition for some new fire panels. So I do the requisition (in triplicate) and print it off without saving it, because why would I save something I just printed off three copies of? Then I open my email and see a quote from another company for a lesser rate than the one I just made out the requisition for. So I tear up ALL THREE COPIES that I just printed off and start to work on the new requisition and THEN realize that the email is about INSTALLATION of the panels, and the original requisition is for the panels themselves. Nice.
I decide I'm not starting on that lengthy project again this afternoon, I will just make a quick call to a vendor about getting some key tags. My call went through to a salesperson at the company and I made my request. I know EXACTLY what it is that I want. I have a catalogue in front of me and all I need to do is ask if the product comes in more than one color. She asks me "Why?" I should have known then that the three minutes I planned to take on this phone call just blew right out of the window. I was on the phone for over 20 minutes. Instead of her helping me, I spent the entire call tried to explain what I was doing to someone who had NO conception of the project and who was becoming more confused by the minute. She had some interesting suggestions for the project though - WHICH MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER - and she ended up directing me to the website (which I already had used!)
CAN THIS DAY END? Where is my office administrator when I need the sun turned off?
Monday, November 2, 2009
I have always loved the book "Where the Wild Things Are". I haven't seen the movie yet but we plan on going and taking our little ones to it - their first movie in a theater. I suppose for them the theater will never play as big as role in their lives as it has in mine, just because we live so far from the theater.
My number one son is named Max. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of the Max from Wild Things as my representation of my boy. Right now he is still not really interested in sitting in our laps and being read to - which makes sense if he can't hear us right? It bothered me a little that he would never sit in my lap and let me read to him because reading is SO much a part of our lives. Now that he is in the school program and they visit the library he seems a bit more interested in checking out books. I hope this book will be one of his favorites. I can't wait to read it to him.
If you haven't read the book yet - you must. I love it. I hope the movie does it justice (but do they ever?)
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Try this: make a list of 365 people whose names you remember and who were interesting to you. Even if you don't want to write 40 about each, at least try making the list. And then, if you can, write down a few words about each of them before they're gone from your memory. If you can't do this, it might be wise to spend the next 365 days meeting more people in person who are interesting to you. Learn their names.
It has been a while since I blogged anything that I consider to have "content". This 365 idea is one I started a while ago and one I am interested in following through with. I think I am gearing up for NaBloPoMo and trying to post every day of the month.
So here is something about "Kid" and why he was interesting to me.
Kid came into a group home type setting when he was under the age of twelve. We didn't get many kids that young unless there was some reason they were sexually inappropriate with the kids in the kid shelters. So without knowing a bunch about his background we knew there was some sexual stuff. It turns out kid was removed from the care of his mother when he was under the age of four. His step father and a series of mothers boyfriends had physically abused him so severely that when he was under the age of one he had bones broken. MANY bones broken. Does it go without saying how horribly sexually abused he was? He lived at first with grandmother but she had mental health issues and became homeless and they lived together in her car until they were reported and he was taken from her. He went to other family members and was accused of being sexually inappropriate and placed temporarily with us. I'm not going to sugar coat anything - he acted out sexually in mind boggling ways. He completely annoyed the female staff and for good reason. I will not know until the day I die why I connected with this kid. Everything about his behaviors were (and are) a "turn off" to me. And somehow I liked him. A lot. I liked him enough that if we had been able to be foster parents I would have taken him into my home - and I can't say that about any other kid but ONE in all my years of working with teens.
He went from our place to a young sex offender home (please don't get me going on THAT topic). To my knowledge he was never "out" of group homes until he aged out of the system.
I have kept some track of him over the years although we were never in contact after he left the place I worked. The last I heard of him he was being incarcerated for sexual predation in a public park. I read an interview by the father of one of the kids he lured. The man was livid (understandably) and completely vilified this sexual predator (understandably). I don't blame him one bit, and yet in the back of my mind - or closer to the front of my mind - was the fact that I knew this kid. I knew him when he was a little boy. I am so very sad for him and for the life he has lived on this earth. I know there are people who will hate my opinion. I know there are people who don't agree with me, and yet I still shed a tear, yes a tear, for the tiny tiny baby who had his arms and legs and collar bone broken, and wonder what his life would have been like if someone had cared for him.
one day while we were driving with him and other kids to go sledding, we were pulled over in the youth corrections van for going to fast, He was in the seat right behind the driver, by friend Louie. The officer wanted her to giver her name and address and phone number but she didn't want Kid to hear her giving her personal information so she was trying to whisper to the officer out of the window. Every time she whispered the officer said"WHAT" and made her repeat what she had just said. Every time she repeated herself, Kid leaned closer to her to hear what she was saying. I know she was not amused but I found it very funny. Finally she said her phone number loud enough for the officer - and Kid - to hear it and as the officer wrote it down, kid started to chant it. "seven seven threee....." He kept it up all day. no matter what he was threatened with he could not even get himself to stop. Since it wasnt my number, I thought it was hilarious, but I can see how infuriating it was to her. I just don`t know what I liked so much about this kid!
I had a great day. I worked, which I think should be banned, but other than that I couldn't have asked for a better day.My son picked out my balloon and my stickers (which he used). We all wore party hats - even the dog! and our bedazzled sunglasses. Maxie even went to bed with his sunglasses, cause you know, his futures so bright he has to wear shades.
My nieces and nephews sang to me. My office was decorated with balloons and streamers. What more could a person ask for?
Today is the day my number one gets his first school photo. I don't think he is as excited as we are. Of course we purchased the most expensive photo pack, we are total suckers. We are going to have so many pictures we won't know what to do with - and don't forget the fridge magnet ones!
I am HOPING he looks at the camera, he doesn't really like to do anything by himself, so even sitting in the chair alone might be interesting. I will laugh if we get a picture of him and the teachers assistant!
When I picked him up they said he did fine. He even "kinda" smiled and they can retouch the pictures so his rash isn't so bad which is also nice.
We think he is beautiful no matter what, and even if he hadn't looked at the camera it's ok.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
If Today is Your Birthday: October 27
The Year Ahead
Forecast for October 2009 to October 2010
If You Were Born Today, October 27: You are an energetic, emotional, and dynamic person. A study in contradictions, at times you appear reserved and quiet, and at other times bold and even reckless. Your inner restlessness can drive you to achieve much, as long as you learn to control your mood swings. Success is within your reach, largely due to your dynamism. You are enigmatic and passionate, and your powers of observation exceptional. Famous people born today: John Cleese, Emily Post, Sylvia Plath, Theodore Roosevelt, Marla Maples.
Your Birthday Year Forecast: A trine between the Sun and the Moon in your Solar Return chart this year is a fortunate aspect. It suggests that your domestic and career needs are not in competition with one another in the year ahead. Your inner needs tend to be mirrored by external events, and vice versa. This aspect is very powerful and rewarding. It suggests that you will be on top of your game this year, for the most part, and positive connections with others can be made fairly easily. A comfortable level of personal popularity helps to keep conflict to a minimum. With the ability to handle your emotions successfully, there is less stress on both your mind and body. Your self-confidence and positive attitude will reward you!
The Sun squares Mars in your Solar Return chart. Your energy levels run high this year, but you should watch for hasty or impetuous behavior. Remember that "haste makes waste". This year is likely to be especially busy. You could be rather wilful and impassioned, and it would be best to channel excess energy into healthy physical outlets. Others might find you temperamental. If you suffer from frequent headaches, it is likely that you are not dealing with your own anger or desire to take the lead appropriately. You feel a great need for action, but if you don't know where you're headed, you might take the wrong turn. As long as you channel the excess energy constructively, instead of wasting your time arguing or getting yourself into conflicts with others, you can accomplish much.
The Sun forms a sextile to Pluto in your Solar Return chart, and your attitude towards life is changing. What used to satisfy you may not continue to do so, particularly if your goals have been superficial or a poor reflection of your inner desires. You are no longer willing to make compromises in the important areas of your life, particularly with regards to career and your life path. You are more determined this year, and it�s an excellent time for getting rid of bad habits. This is a year in which to get your life back on track, as you have the willpower to do so. Others are bound to recognize your leadership skills and talents, or, at the very least, your potential. You want your life path and your objectives to reflect what you�re really about. You benefit from being more decisive than usual, and your ability to concentrate and focus help you to achieve what you set out to do. A new project or goal begun this year has a good chance of being successful and long-lasting.
Venus trines Jupiter, and you are likely to find yourself more accepting and understanding of your friends and lovers. Contentedness in love is likely to figure and to attract positive circumstances (and people) into your life this year. Legal affairs, education, and travel may be especially fortunate for you. Social opportunities might increase, and a boost in your personal popularity and magnetism is also likely. Others are looking on you favorably, particularly friends and lovers (or potential lovers). You are more friendly, optimistic, and big-hearted than usual. A cheerful and hopeful outlook increases your chances of gaining cooperation from others. This is a sociable, and perhaps self-indulgent, time when the pursuit of pleasure is one of your high priorities! You could find that you are more open and trusting of friends and lovers, and that you easily win others� trust. Healthy speculation is favored. Financial benefits may come your way. Some people fall in love under this influence.
This is a year of increased confidence for you--a great period in your life for discovering or rediscovering your talents. Realistic optimism is your main avenue to success, while impatience is a potential downfall. Social opportunities increase and an expansive, faithful attitude brings rewards.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Last week he and I met with the speech therapist. We met for an hour and basically did an "intake" and she asked if I had any questions. I asked what we could expect, what we could work towards as far as goals for speech for him. I have always thought that his speech delay is directly linked to his profound hearing disability (which we hope has been corrected by his surgery), but I really thought that once he was done with his surgery he would start talking fairly quickly. I was wrong. We have a LOT of work to do with him and she said she thinks he a realistic goal for him would only be to say two words by the end of the school year in June.
He says things like "ma" and "ya" but she said those are not words as much as they are "sounds" and we can't really count them.
So I tried to talk myself down from my high expectations, still HOPING he would say more than two words by the end of the year.
Yesterday I picked him up and we drove home together. When we got home I asked him to help me to carry the grocery bags into the house. As he picked up a bag two onions fell out onto the floor of the truck. He put down the bag and picked up the onions. I asked him if he was going to carry the onions inside instead of the bags. He looked at me, looked and the onions and said "onion". I was shocked and thrilled and told him to go inside and tell his mom what he just said. He went inside and said "Ma. Onion!" We were both so thrilled we did a happy dance and tried to get him to say it again. He isn't so interested in being our object of amusement and so he put the onions down and went back outside to get grocery bags.
I am still ecstatic that he said his first word!
I think I'm going to get a picture of an onion for his bedroom wall - and now we only have to get him to learn one more word and we have reached our goal for the year!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
We have a tradition at the thanksgiving table to take rice grains from the bin and for every rice kernel we take we say something we are thankful for. The rice (not so mysteriously) got mixed in with sunflower seeds earlier in the week and ended up as bird food and so we had no rice kernels last night.
A few weeks ago my boy Max had surgery on his ears. He has had profound hearing loss since birth and although he is three, he doesn't speak. He does have a few words in his repertoire (like "ma"and "ya") and so I thought I would test out his hearing skills and ask him what he was thankful for. Our conversation went something like this:
Me:"Max, are you thankful for mashed potatoes?"
Me: "Max, are you thankful for mom?"
Me" Max, are you thankful for your cd player?"
Me: "Max, are you thankful for your little brother?"
So I figured he was just tired of playing the game, but thought since he was digging his mashed potatoes I would try again.
Me: "Max, are you thankful for mashed potatoes?"
Me: "Are you thankful for your gravy?"
Me: "Are you thankful for your little brother?"
Apparently in our house, spuds and gravy trump little brothers!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
These members of the family were part of "us" even longer than I was. They have been with Shel and I as long as we have been together. Sadie, Gina and Angel were the three remaining cats from the family I joined when I met Shel. I joke about the first "big" fight that Shel and I had and how I told her that she needed to pick between me or the cats (at the time there were Buddy, Sadie, Simon, Gina, Georgie, Angel, Tiger and Foxie). She said "see ya later" to me so I left and slept in the front seat of tinkey winkey for the night. (That tells you how long ago it was because there is no way I could fit my fat body onto the front seat of tinkey for the night now!) After a night in the truck I reconsidered my position and withdrew my ultimatum because it was made painfully obvious to me that Shel was not going to part with the feline members of the family, even for me. (and I like to think I am somewhat of a "prize!)
We have moved more times than I care to remember and before they met me they moved a few times as well. They started out their lives in sunny Southern California and went from there to Utah and from Utah to Canada. When they arrived in Canada in November of 2003 I think they must have thought we were out of our minds because the temperature that balmy day was -26 degrees Celsius. Since we have been in Canada they have lived in three different homes and put up with the additions over the years of four dogs and two additional cats. They have outlived two of our dogs and five of their litter mates, so I am sure there was quite a reunion for them as they passed to the other side.
I know they have had wonderful lives. This summer in particular they spent a lot of time outside and we were even able to lure Sadie out of doors a few times. One by one we have said goodbye to other members of the family and not one farewell has been easy, but we have never said goodbye to three at once and that made things extra hard. Shel made sure they ate like kings for the last few days and we emptied more than one grocery shelf of tuna on their behalf. One by one yesterday morning Shel held them as they crossed over and we took them home to be buried next to Shiloh.
We knew the weather was changing so we wanted to be sure to get them buried last night. After the kids were in bed we went outside to dig their grave. By this time it was pitch black out and so we dug by the hole with the aid of the van headlights. Though the moment itself wasn't particularly humorous I am certain the whole herd of them were laughing at us as our bodies blocked the headlights and we tried to dig a hole we couldn't see!
We buried them with the items they were dragging when the day started, because what would their journey to the other side be like if they didn't have a pair of my underwear pulled behind them. Underwear, socks and a slipper went with them and I finally was able to let go of my Muk also. I am certain people think I am a loon, but I have had the ashes of my beloved Mukiwa with me in Tinkey Winkey since she passed. Now she is at rest with the rest of our original family, with the cats that raised her.
Travel well my friends. Thank you for accepting me into your lives. You are already missed more than you will know.
I don't have a lot of hope in things, but I do have hope you will all be waiting for me when it is my turn to cross the great divide.
P.S. Just so Shel won't miss you so much I promised to drag my clothing around the house and make loud mewling sounds when everyone was asleep.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I am absolutely devestated. I suppose we never ever should have purchased a property without being fully aware that we had no control over the land that wasn't ours.
In addition to having our home now completely exposed to the road - and being so visible - the trees provided a natural wind break from the winds coming from the north. So now we are also exposed to the wind.
I am so very sad. Now even the place that I come to "escape" has been laid bare. Decimated. (the photo is not the FINAL result of tree removal.. I still need to find a good one to upload)
I have so many things to write about I almost think it would be better to wipe the slate clean and start over than to try to go back to capture some of the things that have passed... we shall see.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I said to my spouse on the way down here tonight that I am really feeling "OLD". I have face wrinkles (which she laughed at me for) and this summer I got a crack in one heel wearing my Birkenstocks all summer (which she scoffed at me for because she gets horribly cracked heels and cares for her feet endlessly and I do absolutely nothing to my feet and I had a teeny crack which is already gone), but mostly I feel "parenty" -- which to me feels like what "old" is.. I have been absolutely sick to my stomach all day worrying over this surgery for my man tomorrow. When i took the baby to the babysitter I felt guilty leaving him - not because I don't trust the babysitter, but because I want to be with him all the time. I am shocked at myself a bit over the "parenty" feelings - not because I don't love my kids, but because I never pictured myself as a worrier parent, but just a fun, happy go lucky, live and let live parent, and I'm turning into a bit of a "concerned" parent. (I always thought concerned parents needed to "let go" a little!)
I hope I can get some sleep tonight because heaven only knows there are not enough fields in all of farmtown to keep my mind off my boy if I am up all night.